Those Days…

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We all had those days.

Days when we are abruptly taken out of our routine of our daily lives. Days when we are shaken to the core till we are in peril of being shattered. Days where we have to face a reality of pain, loss and fear.  Days when we had to conquer our inner demons not knowing  the aftermath it will bring us. These are the emotions we go into when we have to go through those days—the days where we have to see how precious yet fragile mortality is.

We all have countless experiences wherein we have to deal with the dreaded grim reaper. In our lifetime we have lost a number of relatives, friends, acquaintances and icons that somehow grip us with sorrow and shock of losing someone. I have dealt with a lot of these as well. I’ve lost relatives, childhood friend, classmate, colleagues and mentors. I’ve gone through the phase of denial, grief and the hardest of it all, acceptance. Throughout all of these, I would suddenly have these inner thoughts of how life is feeble but once I got into the phase of moving on, I forget it.

Then yesterday came. I learned that my friend has a serious illness and things got worse because he is now faced with the dilemma of undergoing an aggressive treatment that could help with his recovery but can also destroy and kill him. I was shocked and a sudden wave of sadness rushed in me. It was so surreal that my friend at the ripe time of his age, a guy that can still chase his dreams is in the brink of losing his life at an early age.

I can’t help but feel for him. Maybe because it’s the counselor side of me taking over but empathy starts kicking in. I felt his pain, I felt his fear. I tried my best to encourage him and helped him face this trying moment of his life but at the back of my head, I was at a loss. I was still trying to grasp the concept of how it shakes you up when someone’s life is put into jeopardy, but I never I would be this shaken. I never knew this come to me that close. Way, way close.

My mind is clouded up to now with confused thoughts and mixed emotions. I still feel that I’m walking in zone of endless nothingness, trying to hope that it will be a happy ending after all. However, despite the fact that I cannot guarantee that it will happen, and being in that foggy state, I can see some specks of light that somehow will lead me to seek the answers of why these things of sickness and death haunt us.

That recent incident with my friend made me see a clearer way on how to portray life. We might be young and full of vigor to chase our dreams, but in a snap, it could be easily taken away from us. We might be complaining that we don’t have the material stuff we wanted but there are some who are not even able to get their basic needs. We might be depressed because we are not living the life we dreamed of but there are some who are simply dreaming of extra more life. We might be taking for granted the simple beautiful days when there are those who long for it. The ironies of living our life could go on and on.

It’s up to us how to shuffle through all the darkness of death and all his friends for us to see the light that will give us ideas on how to live lives fully and guide us somehow to determine the real purpose of our lives. Believe me it will be not that easy considering the emotional baggage it brings but hey, it’s worth trying. All of these things somehow made me determine maybe 50% of my purpose and it is to provide comfort and encouraging things whether in the form of speaking, writing or just mere listening. It may not be that big but I know it will make things a little bit better.

Those days. We all fear it because we are forced to re-examine our lives, of what we have become and what lies upon us but we have to recognize how death and sickness bittersweetly make us realize that life is too precious to be wasted, too beautiful not to be cherished, too meaningful not to have a purpose and too exciting not to be lived.

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About markistonguetied

i march to the beat of my own drum.. View all posts by markistonguetied

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