Dear Dean Lorraine

Dearest Dean Lorraine Villanueva, we miss you. Thank you for everything.

Dear Dean Lorraine,

I still remember that day—March 3, 2008.

It was my first day at a new job and I was sitting on the couch, anticipating the things that would happen on this new work of mine. Then I saw you approaching me and I couldn’t help but notice  your beauty and elegance shining through that grey corporate ensemble that you were wearing.

Your serene aura calmed my jittery nerves and the moment you started talking to me, all my remaining nervousness and anxious thoughts gradually faded away. I could not explain how or why it disappeared but maybe it is because of your soothing voice or your elegant expression or maybe your motherly stance.  There was no clear answer in my head at that time but I was able to know your name. You were Dean Lorraine Villanueva.

As days passed by, I began to know you better. I was able to learn about your life, your works and your experiences. These three words best explain it all: Careerwoman, Educator and Mother.

As a careerwoman, you have various accolades, achievements and accomplishments in your career. Throughout the years, you have been involved in sharing your expertise and knowledge in the Hotel and Service Industry by becoming an educator in UP Diliman, providing lectures, seminars, training programs and consulting engagements around the Philippines.  You also have allocated some of your time in occupying various positions in different organizations in the Philippines such as a board member post in the Philippine Women’s Association, a UP College of Home Economics Secretary post and the most prestigious of it all, becoming the President of the Council of Hotel and Restaurant Educations of the Philippines (COHREP). COHREP is an organization that is committed in developing and improving the Hotel and Restaurant education in our country and you were at its helm for two years.  Your latest career milestone was you became the Founding Dean of Enderun College, an educational institution that offers international hospitality management and business administration courses.

Despite all these glories, you were still able to continue your educational pursuits. You finished a MBA degree and a PhD in Communication in the University of the Philippines in 1982 and 2008 respectively. This reflects how you give importance to education—that no matter, how many awards or success a person receives during his professional life, the continuous quest for educational formation should not stop after we received a bachelor’s degree.

This leads me in your second quality, the Educator. During the times that I was with you, I have seen how passionate you are in educating the future hoteliers and restaurateurs. Your thirty-one years in the Academe is a proof of your dedication as an educator. From 1978 to 2006, you taught in both graduate and undergraduate classes of the University of the Philippines. You then went to Enderun Colleges and became its dean. You were there during the early stage of Enderun and with your guidance as its academic head, you were able to accomplish lots of great things within three years! With your leadership, Enderun was able to get its Commission of Higher Education (CHED) accreditation in just two years after it was established. You were also instrumental in developing its curriculum and recruiting some of its educators, ensuring that the students will receive the utmost learning they need.

You were the driving force behind the academic success of the school. Together with a small team, you faced countless pressure, stresses and challenges in order for Enderun to become a formidable management school and you triumphed over those hindrances. Who would have thought that beneath the calm demeanor there was this strong-willed woman who stirred the ship into its goal.

Despite becoming being a dean, you never forgot your love for teaching. You still taught in Enderun. You were respected by your students for sharing your knowledge about the hotel management industry and they cherished the way you teach because your approach was different. You were warm yet unyielding, considerate yet prudent. You were their teacher yet you became more of a mother to them.

And this leads me to your best quality, being “the” mother. If there was one thing that binds both of the employees and students on what we really admire about you is your motherly approach. There are lots of personality traits out there to select from but this encompasses all the qualities we have seen from you. You were a friend, mentor, confidante, counselor, inspiration, protector, supporter and motivator rolled into one. That is why we cannot help but identify you as Enderun’s mother figure because we see those qualities with our own moms.

You were the mother of Enderun from the students to its employees. Though technically, you only have three beautiful children, we were sort of the self-proclaimed adopted ones and we count for more than a thousand! But you did not mind it and instead welcomed us with open arms, and boy, did we savor those privilege. In fact, we fondly call you Mommy Dean.

That is why you became endearing to us. You were different among the usual supervisors and heads.   You are humble, accommodating and nurturing. You were the breath of fresh air in a work riddled with day-to-day challenges, stress and pressure. Seeing your smile or just simply hearing your oh-so soothing voice is enough for us to get on going for the rest of the day. You also have those moments where in we see how unassuming and humorous you are. There was a time you helped pushed a stalled van and just laughed about it. You were relatable and we loved you for it.

But what made us treasure you the most is your tireless effort of believing in each and everyone of us. You put faith on our abilities, believed in our talents and encouraged us to never stop pursuing our dreams. May it be a student or an employee, you were always there to guide us and support us in your own little way.  You made us believed in ourselves even more and be motivated to pursue our aspirations no matter how difficult it is. And we will forever be grateful for that.

I thought those feelings will continue for years but it all changed during that fateful month of May. You told us you would take a leave of absence and would be back by June or September. Like kids being left alone on a rainy night, we anxiously waited for your return, but as fate would have it, God had other plans.

Fast forward to the month of September and we found ourselves like zombies. Staring vaguely in the air, walking with heaviness in our hearts, we felt incomplete. We tried to figure it out until we painfully realized that the woman who brings the fresh air, the lady who has the inspiring smile and mother who radiates with the guiding light was already gone.

And it hit us. We would not be seeing our second mother. We would not be hearing that gentle laugh and calming voice. We would not be able to feel your reassuring embrace. There would be no words of wisdom for us to ponder on. We felt orphaned.

The feeling of loss is heartbreaking but we comforted each other by celebrating your legacy, the numerous simple ways on how you have touched and inspired countless lives. Those helped us to gradually accept your passing.

I wrote this letter as homage to you and for what you have done. This is my way to show the world that you might not be the popular politician, the celebrated social worker nor the patriotic achiever but you changed my life and everyone else around you, and that is enough for me to say that you deserved to be recognized.

I still remember that day—September 20, 2009. It’s the day you said goodbye to your family, friends, colleagues, students and to everyone you love and love you back.  It’s the day we felt the utmost sadness yet, we are comforted by the thought that you are now in a place reserved for the very best of us.

Yes, I remember that day. The pain, the tears, the fears and the emptiness I felt with your passing. But somehow, I was still able to put a smile on my face because I surely know that it is also the day heaven gained a new angel.

One of your adopted sons,

Mark Ibo

(Postscript: This article is an entry that I submitted in a journalism contest way back last May. Though I wasnt able to win, I’m still proud that I made this and in commemoration of Dean’s passing, it is fitting for me to share this to everyone who loves and cherishes her. Cheers Dean Lorraine! You will be forever loved by us! )


Bloody Heck!

Majority of the people in this world tend to dislike towards blood. Some would faint, some would vomit, some would hyperventilate just the plain sight of it. I’m an exception of that fact.

I have lots of bloody encounter, no pun intended, as I grow up. I once got my fingers cut when it was stuck on a broken window. I had a series of lancets poking me when I had H-fever (it’s now known as dengue). I clumsily cut myself during a “hostage-taking” role play during our biology class. I even had proven the truth behind the idiomatic expression, stone throw, when I accidentally hit my playmate with a sharp stone in his forehead.  And due to my impulsive mind, I donated blood for red-cross when I was in college.

My latest bloody encounter was two weeks ago, when I rushed to the side of a friend dear to my heart (clue: he’s often included in some of the entries in my blog) when he asked for helped because his sister needs blood donors due to dengue. To cut the story short, I got my blood tested, I passed and I could be a donor again (yey for me!) and oh, his sister recovered without any blood transfusion at all.

Not all of us have the guts to donate blood. Some would be shaken with just the sight of long needles pricking your veins. But believe me, the pain is nothing compared to the benefits you’ll reap from it.

I wrote this not to convince people to donate blood, but maybe, just to consider it as an option in the future. Why? Here are the reasons:

1. there MIGHT be some freebies – yes, for all the cheapskate out there, some organizations would give free gifts like shirt, sticker, poster and foods as a token of your generosity. shame on me, because that was my primary reason when i first shared blood. i got tempted by the free stuff. oh well granted, i was still quite immature then…which leads me to the second reason,

2. humanity– goodwill and all, donating one’s blood is one act of selflessness. an ounce of blood might save someone’s life from danger. it can also heal wounds that can’t be healed by betadine or any gauze. I’m talking about wounds created by conflicts and heartbreaks. you see, this special friend of mine were involved in an argument way, way back and i was afraid that our budding friendship will be forgotten. and when i learned that he need donors, i immediately volunteered. i was so tempted to get even at him by not showing up, but humanity prevailed and decided to take the higher road…it then lead to reconcilatory bond…see? blood can also bond…(plus points to the rhyme)

3. it will show how healthy you are – it has been five years since i donated blood and if i remember it right, my lifestyle had a complete 180 degrees turn after it…i was no more the good boy and though i was tempted to donate blood again before, i was scared because it might confirm my hypochondriac fears that i might discover that i have an incurable disease after the blood screening, that was why im avoiding it. but blood donation requires you to screen your blood first of all the known diseases out there like hepatitis, HIV and allergy. and if you passed, that means you are free from those threats..and since i wrote this, i guess you’d know what were my results..

4. it can conquer your fears. this will be your own fear factor. we all know that some avoid this because they are afraid of blood, afraid of needles or maybe they are afraid of the confirmation of their fears (please refer to item no 3). i had this attitude before of finding security of not knowing because sometimes truth is more hurtful than a wound. but cliché as it may seem, truth will indeed set you free. there was a time that i was avoiding to donate blood again because it might be the confirmation of my fears that i am sick. Undergoing this donation process again forced me to face it, and imagine my relief that i am healthy, just a hypochondriac.

5. it is GOOD for you. need to say more? it’s good for your body…i remember i was told that donating blood is good for our system because it will replenish our blood. it’s like our internal organs would have a car wash of some sort…and we all need that once in a while…

i hope these reasons are good enough for you to somehow consider donating blood.

you just have to remember that for a few minutes of pain, it will yield a life time of goodness.

so let that blood start flowing..

The Kitten Who Can’t Be Moved

This story is not about me. 

For the first time in my blogging life, I’m putting aside my self-centered views about life, love and culture. Instead, I’m giving this limelight to feature someone who made an impact to me,  in just a few hours of seeing his plight. Meet the kitten who can’t be moved. 

Kitty Who Can't be Moved

and when zoomed, 

Kitty who can't be moved (zoomed version)

I saw this kitten last Saturday afternoon. I was waiting at the corner of our subdivision, waiting for my choirmates to pick me up (because we have a chorale practice in Buendia at 1 PM), when all of a sudden, I heard a kitten meowing. I looked back and I saw him but I didn’t mind him at first because I thought he was just looking for his mother. A few minutes had passed and his meows became louder and louder, and when I looked back, I saw him moving in a weird way and that made me curious to go closer and checked him up. Instantly, my heart sank on what I saw. 

I saw that from his waist down to his hind legs was paralyzed or in Tagalog, lantang gulay. It was immobile and he was just literally dragging himself so he can move. I could see the pain the kitten feels and how he was valiant in his efforts for him to “walk”. 

As instinct would have told it, he went to a generator cage, probably so he can seek shelter for protection from the elements, animals and people that would bring him potential harm. The problem was that the entrance to the cage was quite small so he really has to forced himself to go inside and since he couldn’t use force from his hind legs, he was trapped in the entrance and that made him cry with pain. At the back of my mind, I said, what if i get him now and pull him back and bring him to our house. But because my choirmates would pass by any time and even my hand couldn’t fir in the opening, the best thing that I did for him was to just gently push him inside the cage. When he was safely inside, my choirmates arrived in time and we were off to the practice. 

However, I wasn’t able to really have fun and concentrate during the travel and practice because all the time I was thinking about the hapless kitten and his probable fate. Even my choirmates were mystified with my silence and when I explained to the them the reason, they had this “awww” then just went on with their conversations. But I was stucked with the feeling of pity for the kitten. 

That’s why i concocted a plan on how to “rescue” the kitten. I texted, tweeted and called my friends to ask for their help in giving me the number of Philippine Animal Welfare Society (PAWS) a few responded that’s why instead of going with my choirmates to hang out after our practice, I decided to flaked out to help the kitten on my own. 

I went home immediately and checked the cage to see if he is stil alive. I mimicked his meows and luckily, he was still there. So rushed home, searched for the number of PAWS and called them up. Unfortunately, they were busy in handling an abuse case, but they told me I can temporaily help him. 

Witht that suggestion, I devised a plan: since the cage was padlocked,the best thing that i can do is to feed the kitten, give him water and make sure he would be safe until Monday. Come Monday, I would talk to the guard of the building and use my charms for him to open the cage and for me to get the cat. After that, I would take the kitten, take care of him and give him to PAWS on Saturday for his complete recovery. 

I was so motivated and I was willing to put up the fight eventhough my friends and some of my family members thought I’ve already gone to the cucckoodom. 

I pushed through with my plans, bought andsmuggled some Whiskas; brought water and put it inside the cage. Since he was still afraid, I let him be. I returned for a few minutes and was so glad that he was chomping some of it, so I thought my plan was running smoothly. But again, life has some twists in it. 

I left him,  confident that he would make it through the night. I went to another choir practice and right after, I went home to check the kitten. Unfortunately, there was no meows. It was just like what the night was. Dead silent. I tried meowing, but I got no response. I was meowing and scooping like crazy just to checked if he’s still there. 

But he wasn’t there. I was still hopeful that maybe he was just sleeping and would probably be awake by Sunday morning. I even prayed to God and asked  for his intercession, because as what I promised, I’d do what it takes for that kitten to make sure he’s alive. 

Sunday morning came, but he wasn’t there. Till noon. Till the evening. 

Till now. 

It is still a mystery to me on what was his real fate. He might have died becaus of the extent of his injuries or looking on the brighter side, he was able to get out and went somewhere else. He just faded to obscurity so what will remain are just questions. 

It has been a while since I took care of an animal this intense. The last time was when I was  in my teens, where I took care of chickens (I even named them ChickBi- ChickenBird and Laqua- Lakwastera). Maybe because I had two previous experiences of witnessing kittens being ran over to death. So probably, I unconciously promised myself that I would help out kittens who suffered the same fate. 

To you kitty, I am sorry I wasn’t able to save you on time. I am sorry that I did not get you immediately and you weren’t able simply to have THAT chance . I am sorry that I acted too human I forgot being humane. I’m sorry that I acted so selfishly in my own human world, I forgot you also needed to fight for survival. I’m sorry but I know I did what I could to provide you that chance of survival. Wherever you are, thank you for inspiring me to become an advocate of reminding people (esp those who are driving) about being wary on stray cats and dogs. Because, indeed they have lives too. 

People reading this might think I’m crazy about these small stray creatures. But we have to remember, unlike us, they do no have the voices to speak up for themselves. Unlike us, they do not have that much of a strength to ward off the different hazards surrounding them. Unlike us, they do not have the shelter we run to if trouble is lurking. 

So please, next time you drive a car or pass by a street and saw them,  be considerate enough to do your own little way to make them feel safe. 

That’s one way of making this world a better place and their world as well.

Woody, Marky and Me

DISCLAIMER: this is one of the few chances that I divulge my romantic life. I guess I just need an outlet to somehow let the world know my pains in life and probably understand why I am feeling and acting this way. All the 2,117 words are Sincere.  Just bear with my lengthy entry, but I have to do this for the better. Hope you have the patience to read this.

Every now and then, I couldn’t help but identify myself to different tv and movie characters. Given how much I am into pop culture, I have realized how I progressed in relating myself to the different personas of the tube and reel. During my elementary days, I thought I am like Uncanny X-Men’s Beast and Power Ranger’s Billy. Those were my geek days, where study hours were imposed by my mom, where getting high grades are the standard for them. When I was in high school, I was Pokemon’s Psyduck, an odd and spacey Pokemon who is always misunderstood. College time I was a Survivor castaway, trying to control things in my life, trying to make the people around me go along with my plans. Early 20 to mid 20s was my Ugly Betty mode, where I begin to question my real purpose in the field of work, friendship, family and romance. And recently, just recently, when I watched Toy Story 3, I realized that I am like one of the plastic toys who crave for attention and affection. A plastic in a form of a sheriff. A sheriff named Woody.

uncanny x-men's the beast

Billy the Blue Ranger



While watching and crying during the screening, my mind was telling me “oh f*ck, if  I were a toy, I must be like Woody”. Yes, I was like him, I am VERY much like him. And when Andy told Bonnie that Woody wouldn’t give up on you, I bawled like crazy because as if I have seen my self on that tiny plastic figure. He perfectly encapsulated the best and maybe the worst trait of mine. Just like Woody, I never give up on people even if rejection has to come with it.

I am a poster child for rejection especially when it comes to romantic pursuits. If there is a pedestal for isolation and being left out, I might be gloriously standing there. And for you better understand what I am talking about let me give you a brief timeline of my “affairs” and the people involved with it that stuck in my memory like a crazed stalker:

  • Clothing Tech Guy  (September  2008- December2008)– he’s from UP and we met in a networking site, after a couple of dates we became a couple. I had a blast with him. Since he is into fashion, he “experimented” on my looks and helped me find clothes and costumes that is suitable for me. We had volleyball, UP, coffee dates and so on.  However, we disagreed on one thing, our dreams in life. His course from UP was his second degree and he decided to not use his BA degree in UST to fulfill his passion in clothing. I admit I was kinda annoying him –like telling to find a job etc but we managed to resolve it. One day, after a whole day of date and shopping in Galleria, I thought we were going strong. Until the next morning, I received a text from him, saying we were over. Just like that, without any clear explanation at all. The worst part was, it was just a few days before Christmas the season of merriment and loving. I was crushed.
  • Advertising Guy (Jan 2009- March 2009) – he works in an ad agency and was a common friend of my colleagues at work. We kept our “bond” a secret. I was there when he has problems, trying to help him out to solve it. I was motivating him when he feels down. Though there were no romantic inclinations in it, I was ignorant when he told me that he loves me when he drunk dialed me one night. I told him we were better off as friends. We agreed, and we continued to be good friends, Until one day he just drifted away and suddenly acted as if he didn’t know me at all. I was shocked.
  • Barista Guy (March 2009- June 2009; August 2009-December 2009) – this one was close to my heart.  I also met him online, exchanged digits and started the days of lengthy texts, calls and chat. We had plans and shared our every thought to each other. I even lied at work to do half-day just to had a date with him. Our communication continued and I admit I was clingy to him, but with his help, I tried to control it. Then one day he texted to stop our “communication”. And the worst part? it was just a few days before my birthday. Friends of mine told me he was a jerk, but I hanged on and told them I knew deep inside he’s a good person. I defended him though he hurt me. Suddenly he resurfaced, and I told my friends I was right. It again ignited my excitement for him. Just like before, we texted, called and even visited him at work in QC (considering that I live down south). I thought it would continue then all of sudden he stopped communicating with me. Until I learned that he already has a partner. I was hurt.
  • Engineer guy (August 2009) –I met him during the death of Pres. Cory Aquino, what started as a fling went into hours of calls and texts, but just like the others, he drifted off.  I was perplexed
  • Future great educator (September 2009)– I met him I anew wholesome networking site, and since I am an educator, we clicked and had an adorable or shall I say adorkable moments, like having breakfast date, watching Kimmy Dora and doing groceries. I was never expecting anything, but we loved the sweet tension between us. And when he kissed me from out of the blue, I was taken aback. That kiss lead him to decide that we were not meant to be. And that hurt me so much. Well fortunately, we became good friends. Somehow, I am satisfied.
  • Lawyer (October 2009) – I met this guy through the site of chirping birds, and just like what happened to me in the past, it began with short status messages which lead to texting then calling. We then dated at Greenbelt. He was not familiar with the place so I kinda became a tour guide. At first it was awkward (some of my students caught us eating at Cold Rock), but as date progressed he had a mutual feeling of enjoyment. We didn’t stop communicating. We called and still texted but again one day, he suddenly became cold, never responded to my messages and I realized, my dream for a romantic possibility is over.

That was time I told myself, to stop and not entertain possible romantic liaisons cause I don’t want to end up getting hurt. Being a bum eventually helped me somehow, because I focused on finding a work rather than have new dalliances. Then recently it all changed. Because of this guy:

He who shall not be named (June 2010-July 19, 2010) – This guys works in a sales and  marketing division of a food conglomerate. I met him in the site of chirping birds(again) but the difference is that he was the one who made the first move when he saw my blog and marky (check my other posts). It then led to twit flirtation and to my surprise, he even gave his number). He’s charming, witty and smart, so eventually I got interested at him.. And again , I went to the zone I tried to avoid: the countless calls, conversations, texts and simple disclosure of our lives. We eventually planed to meet up and watch Toy Story 3. And I have it planned out. I would surprise him by giving him chocolates (which is his favorite), give him a facial mask and a spa certificate that I won (because he is so stressed out with his work). I got excited again. And it made me feel giddy all over since it has been months since I had this moment and I got attached to him in a snap. My day was not complete without hearing his voice. I admit that I became a bit clingy but I told him I would try to avoid it, which eventually I did. I was feeling and enjoying the moment, but beneath that, there was this worry that he might be just like “THEM” but I let go of that and told myself he’s different.

But days before the planned movie date, he called me up and he said it was postponed because he was busy. He told me that I should not call or contact him anymore, and I should not be dependent on him. But I was sensing a different  reason.  So I tried calling up, and to my disbelief, a guy answered saying, “This is ___________ and I’m He who shall not be named’s boyfriend. And then suddenly, my world crumbled in front of me.

I was devastated because I thought he was different, but maybe he was just like them. But I have to compose myself because later that week was a culinary cook-off that I need to take part of. So I just kept my focus on that. I eventually made a blog entry about it, as my catharsis.

Later on he called, apologizing about what happened. According to him ______ is just a good friend, so I believed him and somehow we had a “truce”. I kept promised that I wouldn’t be clingy, by not calling nor texting him that often, and somehow, a glint of hope resurrected in my heart. I believe that we might still have a chance. Last Sunday, I got  text from him, and he was inviting me to watch a UAAP game together,  so it made that glimmer a bit brighter.

Then yesterday, I accidentally read __________ ‘s blog. And there was it there: the truth. The hurtful truth unraveled in front of me. I learned the real score, why he cancelled our movie date was because he met ________ a few days before our plan and in an instant , he had forgotten me. They went out that very weekend, the same day I was supposed to go out with who shall not be named. The entry also provided details of their succeeding dates and their possibility of being in the future together. And what hurts me the most is that during that during their dates, I was there without knowing the real score, still hoping and holding on and not giving up.

So I called him last night, and to cut it short, we had some sort of “closure”. But it still stings. I had wished that he shouldn’t gave his number because my life was relatively peaceful before he arrived. Now, it’s hard to gather and pick up the pieces that broke me once again.

Lots O Huggin Bear aka "LOTSO"

That made me think, should I stop valuing people and finally give up on them? I’ve been through countless heart breaking experiences and though it was painful I was able to rise on it and continued on putting faith with the people I meet. But based on what happened recently, I am tired. Maybe I should stop being a Woody and become more of a Lotso. At least I would be spared from the emotional aspects of relationships. Maybe I should lessen the faith and valuing that I give for less heartbreaks—just like what Lotso mentioned, “No owners means no heartbreaks”.

Throughout my life, I have encountered people, gained new friends, lost a lot of drifters. One thing I can proudly say is that, despite the fact that I was hurt by these drifters I never bore a grudge among them, instead I still have faith that someday, we’ll meet again and befriends and sing Kumbaya together. Stupid as it seems, I never give up on that dream.

So for the guys I anonymously mentioned above, if ever you chanced upon this, thank you for making creating a smile on my face, sculpting a memory on our moments together and by giving me a bolt of excitement in my heart.

yes, lola FU pa

FU, on breaking my heart though.

Kidding aside, I can’t and won’t be angry to all of you. That is not just me. In fact I should be the one become angry to myself for being the romantic dreamer, romantic fool and believer in happy endings.

So probably, what I should do first is kept my “Woody” in a cabinet and I’ll just open it once there is a rightful owner who would come along.

But remember, even if Woody is tightly locked in a dark, dingy cabinet, he or shall I say, I still I would never give up on you.

On all of you.

woody, mark and me

Stuffed Toy Story

We all have been in these kind of situations. We met someone, we enjoyed their company, we like the way it made us smile but when they begin drifting away without any clear explination, we would feel devastated.

Im a poster boy for this, and a recent experience made me inspired to do a photostory about this.

TITLE: Hello, Goodbye, See You Soon

Starring: Marky as himself; Vicvic as himself; Red Teddy Bean Bear

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Scripwriter: Mark I.

Producer: Mark I

Directed by: Mark I.

Enjoy watching..:)

Finding the Good in Goodbye

An uneventful thing happened to our household last Tuesday night. Our pet kitten—my soon to be favorite pet—got ran over by a car in front of our house. Fortunately it wasn’t the pisak type mishap but more of the internal injury type, so my father was still able to pick up our hapless kitten, carried it to us and let it breathe its last in front of our very eyes.

Immediately, my heart just sunk. My throat tightened as if there was a big lump in it. Though there were no tears that welled up in my eyes, I felt the sadness and instantly mourned the death of our kitten. He could have grown into a fat, snobbish, adorable and rambunctious cat. But he won’t. He would never will. Thinking of that made me had this feeling of pain, which I know will be here for a while.

Then all of a sudden, flashbacks of goodbye came crashing in my mind: the time I witness another kitten being ran over by a police car, significant others drifting away, opportunities lost, tv series being cancelled and beloved individuals passing away. The pain started creeping in and I realized, I never said goodbye to saying goodbye. I realized I’m bad with goodbyes.

Saying goodbye is my weakness. Maybe that is why I’m much of a wreck when I am faced with the time that I have to part ways with someone, something or some place. I’m a mess when it comes to goodbyes but aren’t we all?

Goodbyes are not easy to handle especially the aftermath. All of a sudden, we won’t be having what we used to have. We won’t be seeing what we used to see. We won’t be feeling what we used to feel.

In a snap, we are all in this zone of emptiness and loneliness. We feel vacant, we feel lost, we feel afraid. But we have to face the fact that ironically, the concept of goodbye is only the one that won’t say byebye to us.

Let’s face it. There is no moving on and letting go in terms of goodbyes. We just get used to the feeling of not having those “familiars” in our lives. No wonder, no matter how much we’ve said goodbye and thought we were finally over on things we have cherished, time will remind us of them and it would still sting.

The pain never really ceases. When someone leaves our side, we are heartbroken by the emptiness brought by it. When we let go of an opportunity, we are anxious if there will be another chance that will be given to us. When we leave a certain place, we are afraid that we will be forgotten if ever we return to that place.

Those things make us question, if there is really good in goodbye. But if we learn to sift through the pains, the fears and the tears, we would see that positive thing can come out of it.

Goodbye can mean new beginnings, where we can start all over again and be wiser in our actions. Goodbye can be new lessons in life, wherein we learn from our mistakes and be a better person. Goodbye can be a gift of cherishing and appreciating what we have in life. Goodbye can be a source of strength which would inspire to us stand up after the pain of loss.

It is really challenging to find the goodness goodbye really brings, but it is up to us to challenge ourselves to rise above the pain and sadness it brings.  We just have to realize that yes, goodbye can be painful but after all, when things come to an end, we have to smile because certainly new beginnings will come after.

Postscript: let me leave you an inspiring quote from an episode in Ugly Betty wherein it revolved around goodbyes:
“I’ve had to say good-bye more times than I may have liked, but everyone can say that. And no matter how many times we have to do it – even if it’s for the greater good, it still stings. And although we will never forget what we’ve given up, we owe it to ourselves to keep moving forward. What we can’t do is live our lives afraid of the next good-bye because chances are they are not going to stop. The trick is to recognize when a good-bye can be a good thing – when it’s a chance to start again.”

Chronicles of Marky

Meet Marky.

He has been my imaginary pet/friend cow, way, way back in college. It was a fitting pet for me since I was born in the year of the ox and obviously, he is. Plus the fact that he was named by a special girl when I was in college.

With the help of a “borrowed” SLR camera, Marky decided to pose for some shots and boy, he smized like the rent is due tomorrow!

Here’s the sample of his portfolio…


This slideshow requires JavaScript.

And here are his individual shots:

Feel free to comment.

Since I am his manager, I DO accept bookings.